Volume 32, Number 2

Stay Safe, People!

I asked my sister-in-law why she got a gun when she has never in her life fired one and she said it was to stay safe which is the same thing the guy I work with said and the same thing the woman at the bank said and come to think of it that’s the only thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about why they got a brand new gun and now they say there are over 400 million of them (guns I mean) maybe double that number given how many guns were sold this summer due to all the unrest meaning the guns now far outnumber the people in this country making me wonder if the guns could be intelligent lifeforms like the transforming robots in those awful movies: alien machinations speaking English with funny accents and capable of controlling the minds of the fleshlings around them to serve their own agenda which if you think about it would almost certainly involve convincing people how safe they would be to have one in their own home.

—Ian Willey