The Putz Who Saved American Democracy
“I’m not getting in the car, Tim.”
—Vice President Mike Pence to Secret Service Agent Tim Giebels, January 6, 2021
ACT I: NOVEMBER 8, 2016
Consider Mike Pence.
Governor of Indiana,
he was elected vice president of the United States,
possessing all the requisite qualifications for the job:
White
Male
Christian
Heterosexual
Dull
Most important: Dull.
So dull he would never threaten to steal the spotlight from the big boss.
ACT II: JANUARY 20, 2017, TO NOVEMBER 3, 2020
Consider Mike Pence.
For three years and nine-and-a-half months—
from the day they took office until the day they lost their bid for reelection—
he was a faithful lapdog to the big boss.
A sycophant.
The man who put the lick into lickspittle,
he was a pusillanimous putz.
ACT III: JANUARY 6, 2021
On January 6, 2021,
Mike Pence, as vice president of the United States,
acting pursuant to the constitution and statutes of the United States,
presided over the official certification of the results of the 2020 presidential election.
In so doing, he saved American democracy in its moment of gravest peril since the Civil War.
There are those, like Jamelle Bouie at the Times,
who say Mike Pence cannot be considered a hero for simply following the law,
but I say: Simply?
Is following the law really so simple?
When you have the president of the United States demanding—both privately and publicly—that you break the law?
When you are being pursued by a crazed mob chanting “Hang Mike Pence”?
When sketchy Secret Service agents are trying to whisk you away to some undisclosed location?
No, sometimes following the law is truly heroic.
Meet Mike Pence, the putz who saved American democracy.
ACT IV: JANUARY 20, 2021
While the big boss was pouting down in Florida,
Mike Pence attended the inauguration in Washington.
Hiding his own personal disappointment,
he offered the new president and vice president
his Congratulations and Best Wishes
and showed the world what it means to be
a gentleman.
EPILOGUE: LOOKING TOWARD 2024
Consider Mike Pence.
He seems to be preparing to run for president in 2024.
He says he wants to make abortion illegal in every state.
I will never vote for him.
But I will always admire him.
The putz who saved American democracy.
Sources for “The Putz Who Saved American Democracy”
- “Not getting in the car” AND Sketchy secret service agents
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/04/26/pence-car-raskin-comments/ - Jamelle Bouie says
www.nytimes.com/2022/06/18/opinion/mike-pence-january-6-trump.html - The president’s private and public demands AND “Hang Mike Pence”
www.nytimes.com/2022/06/16/us/politics/pence-trump-jan-6.html
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/06/16/trump-put-pence-more-danger-than-we-knew/ - Preparing for 2024 AND abortion
www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/06/24/abortion-supreme-court-trump-pence-republicans-roe/