Volume 31, Number 4

Lies I Tell Myself

—Every morning the angels open up
my Facebook page to see how I’m doing.
They always Like what they see.

—If Jesus were a banker, he’d be happy
to pay off my mortgage.

—When I pass John the Baptist in his big rig
somewhere near Golgotha (not that one;
the godforsaken town in eastern Nevada),
he always gives me a big howdy.

—Like Salome, I always dress for success.

—The stories in stained glass sing harmonies
for me.

—I never drive over the center line.

—My prayers ascend on a direct line
to the Expedited Prayer Center.
My personal service representative
is Edgar, amanuensis to the angel Gabriel.

—I got a note from the Archangel Michael
this morning, telling me the world
won’t end today.

—Buddha tells me sometimes he spends
whole mornings laughing till his belly quivers.

—Will Walker