Volume 30, Number 1

Genesis 3:6–23







When the woman saw the fruit of the tree
was good for food and pleasing to the eye
she took some and ate it.…

After she had eaten the fruit,
she felt bloated and self-conscious.
So she gave some to her husband, and he ate it.
Then the eyes of both of them were opened,
and they realized they were naked.
So they sewed fig leaves together
and made coverings for themselves.

Although she’d never questioned his desire before,
Eve asked Adam, “Do these fig leaves
make my ass look fat?”
And God heard her and said, “Who told you
you were fat? Have you eaten
from the tree I forbid you eat from?

And coiled around its pile of processed grains
and pound of rotten flesh, the slender serpent snickered.
God shook His head.
To the woman God said, "I will greatly increase
your pains in childbearing,”

to which the woman replied, “I will create
epidurals and episiotomies.”
To Adam He said, “Cursed is the ground
because of you; through painful toil
you will eat of it all the days of your life.

And Adam said, “I will invent microwave dinners
and subsidize corn to grow meat in factory farms.”
So the LORD God made garments of skin
for Adam and his wife and clothed them.
And as they left the Garden to work the ground
from which they had been taken,

Eve felt the chafing of her snakeskin pants
against her thighs and smiled.

—Matthew Nadelson