Volume 30, Number 3


Philip K. Dick was disappointed to find
That the government never wasted a second
Thought on him. All of his paranoia
Only fed his narcissism, while Richard Nixon
In all likelihood could not recognize his name.

I fly back and forth between China and America
Secure in my delusions of importance,
Imagining how the government officers
Must surely pine over how unreservedly
Interesting I am. Surfing the Internet with me,
Boning up on our knowledge of crab apples,
Primitive trap door spiders of the Liphistidae family;
Posing questions like can you eat a skunk?
On a forum, with replies like why would you want to?
Is ambergris really formed from a whale’s digestion of giant squid beaks?
What’s this inflamed goiter on my neck?
Am I anemic?
How much masturbation is too much?
What’s the history of the word “defenestrate”?

Both countries now keep tabs on us all.
I only wish it were a team of anthropologists
Slowly digesting the puny pulp of humanity
With some scientific statistical conclusions to glean from
The myriad multitude:
Adorable cat videos, celebrity fodder, unanswered prayers,
Memes, motivational phrases, narcissistic blogs of feigned importance
And magnificent glorious porn porn porn—
I imagine it’s mostly pornography, penis pills,
And cheap self-help ruminations,
Given what little I know of the human condition.
Surfing Wikipedia or surfing pornography—
Two different forms of masturbation?
Does War and Peace really hold up to interracial gangbangs?
Can we compare the value?
The French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once stated,
Whether one gets drunk or is a leader of nations,
At the end of the day amounts to pretty much the same thing.

—Aaron Lee Moore