Volume 34, Number 1

Collateral Damage

When the legislation was passed and it was no longer possible to put sticks in popsicles some people were hopping mad. It was an outrage, a slap in the face of our founding fathers and their vision of our future—all because a few dummies choke on the splinters every year. “As if they have to chew on them!” Some of them (the outraged people) went into such a rage that their internal organs ruptured and their skulls burst. The news did its best to keep these images from the public. Reporters minced words when describing the carnage, avoiding phrases like “scene from a slasher movie” or “overripe melon.” As human beings we all felt bad for these people, but what could we do? Freedom comes with a price. 

—Ian Willey