Genesis 3:6–23
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When the woman saw the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye she took some and ate it.… After she had eaten the fruit, she felt bloated and self-conscious. So she gave some to her husband, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked. So they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Although she’d never questioned his desire before, Eve asked Adam, “Do these fig leaves make my ass look fat?” And God heard her and said, “Who told you you were fat? Have you eaten from the tree I forbid you eat from?” And coiled around its pile of processed grains and pound of rotten flesh, the slender serpent snickered. God shook His head. To the woman God said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing,” to which the woman replied, “I will create epidurals and episiotomies.” To Adam He said, “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. And Adam said, “I will invent microwave dinners and subsidize corn to grow meat in factory farms.” So the LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. And as they left the Garden to work the ground from which they had been taken, Eve felt the chafing of her snakeskin pants against her thighs and smiled. |