The Lights at the Bottom of the Pool
My unbearable parents had been arguing since Atlanta. The drive from St. Louis to Sanibel had taken us eighteen hours total. Eighteen hours of them pecking at each other and pulling me into their drama like I was a piece of sporting equipment. After we checked in and parked our car outside the condo, I charged out of it without saying anything.
“Gwynny?” my dad said.
“Let her go,” my mom said. “She just needs space.”
“Don’t we all.”
As they continued to argue, I hiked around the building to the beach and the Gulf of Mexico. The sea breeze warmed my cheeks and eased my mind. I was glad we’d made it down for our annual Christmas vacation in Florida, despite all that happened earlier in the year. My dad had admitted to cheating on my mom, and they’d almost gotten a divorce. They’d entered counseling instead.
I passed from our complex’s manicured grass to the beach’s prairie grass, to the beach’s sand. The temperature was in the mid-sixties, which was amaaazing considering the time of year. Most of my school friends were freezing back in St. Louis, where the temperatures reached down into the forties at night. I considered checking my phone to see if any of them had messaged me but decided against it. Instead, I focused on the Gulf’s gentle tides and nighttime noises.
After about thirty minutes, I headed back to the condo. My dad was angrily unpacking the car by himself. He hadn’t even changed out of his warm clothes yet. He still wore his fleece, flannel shirt and jeans.
“Mom?” I asked.
“The pool, I think. Say, wanna help?”
“Sure.”
I grabbed my suitcase and wheeled it inside. If my mom was at the pool, that meant I could go swimming without my parents objecting. Swimming outside at night was one of my favorite things to do. Unfortunately, back home I could only swim at the Y this time of year. And I only had my learner’s permit, which meant I needed a ride from my parents to get there.
I changed into my swimsuit and joined my mom at the pool. She lounged alone in the darkness at one of the patio tables. She’d cast off her coat and sweater to the patio chair next to her. She held a glass of red wine filled to the brim.
“Heyyy,” she said, sounding too relaxed.
“Hey.”
My mom smiled, and it unnerved me. She never smiled.
“Going for a swim,” I said.
“Uh-huh.”
I dove into the pool’s deep end with my arms together. Stroking free-style and kicking at an even rhythm, I swam the pool’s length and back again. After another lap, I saw flashes of light near the pool’s deep end. Soft silvery lights swirled at its bottom.
I bent at the waist and swam downward. The glare of the lights caused me to look away, but it hurt less the closer I got. Still, I couldn’t find the source of the lights, and I never reached the pool’s bottom either. Worried I might run out of breath, I swam for the pool’s surface. As I moved out of the lights, it became harder to breathe. Breaching the water’s boundary, I gasped for air.
I climbed out of the pool and scampered over to the deep end. Dripping water, I tried to find the lights again. I couldn’t see them.
“Did you see that?” I asked my mom. “The lights?”
“Sure, honey.”
Reading her phone, she swigged from her glass.
“They were just right there.”
“Mmhm.”
Annoyed, I left for the condo.
*
The next morning, I awoke in the condo’s spare bedroom. The door was closed, the drapes drawn and the room dark. Daylight outlined the drapes, and I realized it was around midday. Stumbling out of bed, I opened the drapes to find it drizzling outside. Huge fluffy grayish-white clouds rumbled and lumbered through the sky. I cracked the window and a tiny current of humid air seeped in. The weather wasn’t great for swimming, but I wanted to search for the lights again. I changed into my swimsuit.
Leaving the room, I ran right into my parents. They read their phones as they lunched at the kitchen table. My dad had a sandwich, my mom a fruit cup.
“Hey,” my dad said. “Isn’t it a little rainy for a swim?”
“The clouds are going to break.”
I exited the condo and made my way down to the pool. I could see its surrounding area much better in the daylight. Alternating beige and brown tiles covered its deck. Gray lounge chairs with red and yellow parasols occupied most of the deck’s space. Two other people lounged at the pool’s opposite end, a pale snowbird couple.
A gentle breeze like the one from last night swept in. It caressed the water’s still surface but the deck’s surrounding wall mostly blocked it. I wandered over to the pool’s deep end and searched for the lights. They weren’t there. I slipped into the deep end and dove toward the bottom. I couldn’t find the silvery lights, and my breath shortened like normal. I swam back up to the pool’s surface.
As I climbed up the pool’s ladder, I checked out the pale snowbird couple. They both snuck peeks at the pool’s latest arrival, a sun-kissed brown-haired college girl. She was the pretty, athletic backpacker type dressed in a tight tank top and short-shorts. As she settled into her lounge chair, she removed stuff from her backpack. She seemed to have anything she needed in that backpack, including iced tea, lotion and sunglasses. Peeling off her tank top and shorts, she revealed a mismatched bikini. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
“Tina,” someone called out from the pool’s gate.
A sun-kissed brown-haired boy carried a towel and an inflatable mattress. He wanted help with the gate.
“You’re my brother,” Tina said, “not my boss.” She put her air pods in.
“Don’t be a bitch,” he said.
On my way out I opened the gate. The boy passed through it and headed straight for Tina. Feeling self-conscious, I left the pool area.
*
That night I got ready for my night swim, itching to get away from my parents. They’d spent the entire day continuing their arguments from the day previous. Also, I wanted to see if the lights were back out in the pool. My mom intercepted me as I entered the living room.
“You off somewhere?” she said.
“The pool.”
“Isn’t that against the rules?”
“You let me swim last night.”
“That was before I knew the rules.”
“Dad?”
He watched television in the living room, inanimate like one of the condo’s fake plants.
“Gwynn,” he said. “Don’t be difficult.”
Dealing with Mom all day had exhausted him. Normally, he could hide at work or spend his time running errands. On vacation he had less excuses.
“Not fair.”
I returned to my room and closed the door. Then I changed out of my swimsuit and wrapped it in a beach towel. I stuffed the towel and my water-resistant wristwatch into my backpack. The backpack reminded me of Tina’s backpack, which made me think of her. I pictured Tina in her mismatched bikini again. What would it be like to touch her skin? To kiss her lips?
I exited my room with the backpack. My parents were still in the living room. My appearance attracted their attention.
“Where you off to now?” my mom said.
“Going for a walk.”
My mom refocused on the television. Without saying another word, I slipped out the condo. Instead of taking the usual path to the pool, I snuck around the building to its far side. I went to the female restroom, changed into my suit, and stowed my backpack. Then I strode straight to the pool and slipped into the deep end. Unlike during the day, I could see the silvery lights again. They shimmered in the water below.
I took in a big gulp of air and dove downward. Much like the night before, I swam down into the lights without the pressure crushing my lungs. My breathing got easier as I entered the lights. The pool’s chlorine reek disappeared. I opened my mouth.
It didn’t fill with water.
A figure swam toward me from the darkness below. It consisted of water and light, a liquid being.
“Are you… a person?” I asked.
“I am Muriel.”
She had the same exact proportions as me. We shared all the same imperfections like a small chest, cankles and overly muscular arms. In fact, we were identical.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“The place between the sea shadows.”
I glanced below us. I couldn’t see the bottom, just darkness.
“What’s down there?”
“You should avoid it. While I surface.”
“What?”
“We are one, and we are not well. I will surface to help, while you remain.”
I reflected on her comments. Was I not well? How could I be connected to this… thing. My breathing sped up, my head pounding. It was all too much.
“I have to go.”
I swam upwards without glancing back. After stroking for a few minutes, the pressure returned to my lungs. It made me stroke and kick even harder until I breached the surface. Gasping, I sucked in the cool night air.
*
The reek of chlorine awoke me the next morning. Recalling the previous evening, I started to tremble—had I really met Muriel in the lights? It must have happened, I thought, rubbing my arms. Taking a breath, I recalled her comment about us not being well. How could I be well if I was seeing water people in the pool? Let alone talking to them?
I hopped out of bed and checked the window. The weather outside was still cloudy but sunnier than the day before. I exited my bedroom to find the rest of the condo empty. Relaxing in the silence, I grabbed an apple for breakfast. Then I changed into my swimsuit and grabbed my stuff.
Tina lounged down at the pool when I got there. Unfortunately, my parents were there too, reading their Kindles in lounge chairs. My mom didn’t notice me enter the pool area, but my dad did. He gave me a look like he might wave me over to them. Please don’t, I thought, cringing. My dad must’ve read my expression. He returned to his Kindle.
The lounge chair next to Tina’s was empty. Anxiety bombs exploded inside me, but I kept heading for the chair anyway. If I could ignore the anxiety, take it step-by-step, maybe I could make something happen. Or just like, survive.
“This taken?” I repeated, motioning at the chair next to hers.
Tina read a People magazine. I smelled my favorite suntan lotion on her, Sun Monkey.
“Hey,” I said.
She glanced up at me from behind her sunglasses. Tina was like a movie star. So cool.
“This taken?”
“All you.”
I spread my towel out on the chair. I set my backpack down next to it. Easing myself down onto the chair, I tried to hide that my right hand was shaking. Would I settle down if I just lay there for a while? Or should I go for a swim?
I gazed out across the pool. My parents were both staring at me but trying not to stare at me. They were so embarrassing.
“Whatcha reading?” I asked, my voice shaking.
Tina lowered her magazine. “The Bible.”
My left hand began to shake at my waist. I could hide my right hand shaking but my left side faced her. I could drape my beach towel over me, but it was hot outside even though the sun wasn’t out. I could jump into the pool, but I might trip or embarrass myself.
Tina started packing her backpack. After she finished, she slid her jean shorts up over her bikini bottom. She grabbed her backpack and made for the exit.
“See you,” I said, my voice cracking.
Without responding, Tina sauntered toward the pool area’s exit.
I gathered my stuff and went over to my parents.
Tina lingered near the entrance. She approached a boy different than her brother. Arching her back, she gathered her hair into a ponytail. It made her breasts perk up in her bikini top. The sight stole my breath.
“That a new friend?” my dad asked, staring at her. “She looks cool.”
“Scott,” my mom hissed.
“What?”
My dad continued to glance back at Tina. The boy wrapped his pool stuff in a towel. He left with Tina, strolling hand-in-hand. Speechless, I couldn’t believe it.
“You just can’t help yourself,” my mom said, “can you?”
“Seriously?” my dad said.
“Are you saying you weren’t?”
I made for the pool area’s exit. Leaving through the gate, I speed-walked straight to the condo. After entering it, I ran to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I dropped my stuff to the floor, shut the blinds, and switched off the lights. Diving into bed, I covered myself with bedding. I curled myself into a ball, thinking of Tina. Tears streaked down my cheeks.
*
My eyes popped open just after midnight. Sitting up in bed, I pulled my knees up to my chest, smelling of suntan lotion from earlier. I wrapped my arms around my kneecaps. How was I ever going to leave the condo again? I thought of the lights in the pool.
And Muriel.
Still wearing my swimsuit, I opened the door to my bedroom slowly. The lights were off in the rest of the condo. I tiptoed to the front door and exited without anyone hearing me. The night outside was quiet like it only was after midnight. Even the sea was quiet, as if it were sleeping too.
The silvery lights were more dazzling than ever in the pool. Approaching its deep end, I hid my key card near the ladder. Then I eased myself down into the pool’s still warm water. Diving down, I frog-swam toward the lights. As I passed their boundary, the pressure on my lungs disappeared. I breathed through my nose. I opened my mouth.
“Muriel,” I called out.
A ripple came through the water from down below. Glancing down at the darkness, I saw a slight discoloration. The discoloration turned into the form of a figure. Muriel swam in my direction.
“What troubles you?” she said.
“Everything.”
I told her all about my parents, Tina and how even my friends back home weren’t real friends. I didn’t have anyone with whom I could talk like this. The more I talked, the better it felt.
After I finished, Muriel began to change from translucent water into... me. Inch by inch, her skin turned pale white and her hair amber. She resembled me down to even the most specific detail, like my grayish-blue eyes or my slight overbite.
“I’ll be back in an hour,” she said.
“What can you do in an hour?”
“A day will pass up there.”
“Okay.”
Muriel swam for the surface.
I spent the next hour treading water. The time ticked away on my wristwatch, and I watched the space beyond the lights, closer to the surface. As soon as the hour passed, Muriel returned to the lights like she said she would. Swimming down to me, she smiled a care-free smile.
“You’ll be happy,” she said.
“Thank you.”
With a kick and a stroke, I swam for the surface.
*
“Gwynny,” said a voice.
My dad sat perched at the end of my bed. Daylight streamed in through the open blinds. I’d forgotten to close them after getting home.
“Your mom and I discussed everything you said yesterday,” my dad said, reeking of coffee. “About us drawing you into our issues.”
Muriel, I thought, leaning up.
“We never knew you felt like that,” he said. “I’m sorry, for my part.”
“Okay.”
He got up, nodded, and left the room. I hopped out of bed and trailed him into the kitchen, where my mom loaded dishes into the dishwasher. She wore a red-and-white striped polo with knee-length khaki golf shorts.
“Morning,” she said.
She passed from the kitchen into the condo’s living room. My dad got ready to watch college football, even though the weather was shaping up outside. Where before my mom might’ve commented on it, now she only exited to the porch.
“Want this open?” she asked him, referring to the sliding glass door.
“Please.”
“Do you think you could turn down the volume?”
“Sure.”
So weird, I thought, exiting the condo. Still, it would be great to just relax by the pool. Hopefully, Tina would be there too. What had Muriel said to her? I checked my phone and found a message exchange between them. Muriel had initiated it with a, “Hey, girl” message. Then she’d followed it with a joke about Tina’s brother. She was so confident and funny.
Before I could read further, Tina strolled around the building’s corner.
“Hey there,” she said.
Dressed in her bikini top and shorts, she planted a kiss on my lips. Flinching, I pulled back from her, not ready.
“What’s wrong?” Tina said, frowning. She placed her hands on her waist, her pretty face reddening.
“I… I have to go,” I said, pushing past her.
I continued forward without looking back.
*
For the rest of the day, I obsessed over how I screwed things up with Tina. I received a few annoyed messages from her but couldn’t respond due to my embarrassment. After my parents fell asleep, I snuck out of the condo. I speed-walked down to the pool area.
Diving down into the water, I stroked for the silvery lights. Muriel awaited me in the place between the sea shadows. I explained to her how I messed everything up.
“Can you fix it?”
“Yes.”
“You’ll need a day?”
“Yes.”
She changed back into me, her skin turning pale white, her hair turning amber. It was too good to be true.
“Why are you helping me?”
“Because I was once like you.”
“How did you end up here?”
“Another deceived me. I didn’t have the strength to stand up for myself.”
I knew all about being deceived by others and not having the strength to defend myself. Any time I did defend myself, I was villainized.
“Thank you,” I said.
Muriel swam for the surface like last time. Meanwhile, I treaded water between the light and the darkness. As I hovered in the quiet lights, I watched the time tick by on my wristwatch. Floating there, my thoughts drifted to what would happen when I re-emerged. Would I screw things up again? Or keep my cool?
The time continued to tick by. When my wristwatch read fifty-five minutes past, I began to watch the lights above for Muriel. As the time continued to go by, I traded glances between my wristwatch and the surface above. Fifty-six minutes passed. Then fifty-seven. Fifty-eight.
Fifty-nine.
Sixty.
The time continued to pass. When my wristwatch reached one hour and nineteen minutes, I began to swim upwards. I didn’t get far before my upward movement stopped. I kept stroking at the water, but I stopped making progress.
I floated back down into the place between the sea shadows. Even though I could breathe fine, I began to panic at the thought of being trapped there. Still, my body didn’t react like when I panicked up on the surface. I breathed fast but no tears came. My body didn’t shake.
Growing antsy, I swam down toward the darkness down below. I hoped to find some way out or get some sense of where Muriel came from. Instead of finding either, I only encountered what appeared to be the tips of a thick translucent kelp forest.
I returned to the place between the sea shadows. As the time passed, I continued to check my wristwatch every few minutes. When it indicated two hours had elapsed, a figure appeared near the surface. It swam down toward me.
It was Muriel.
“You were gone twice as long,” I said.
“It took twice as long.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes.”
*
The lights were all off back at the condo. I slipped through the front door and went straight to my room. Checking my phone, I saw a new message exchange between me and Tina. It had begun two afternoons ago and continued on through the second day that Muriel stood in for me. I had to give Muriel credit—she was forceful—yet smooth and confident in ways I was not. The exchange tracked how she’d re-approached Tina, teased her, and met up with her in person. Then she kept it going with jokes and the making of plans.
A date, I thought. Muriel set up a date with Tina.
A date for me.And Tina.
Instead of sleeping, I lay in bed reviewing the message exchange. I hoped it would ease my mind, but it only made me more and more anxious until I began to shake. Our date was two nights from now because Tina’s family was down in the Keys, which meant I had two days to prepare. I kept going through it all again and again. Finally, I collapsed into sleep.
*
The next day my parents left early to go golfing. Instead of visiting the pool, I spent the morning and afternoon in the condo obsessing over my date with Tina. I’d hoped to get more confident as the day wore on, but I became less and less sure of myself. I also got sicker to my stomach until I couldn’t even drink water for fear I might barf. The thought occurred to me: I could return to the lights. I could ask Muriel to go on the date for me. Then the next day, vacation would be over. We could keep in touch via messages.
“Hey,” my dad said. He entered the condo along with my mom. They both had suntans but not sunburns.
“You okay?” my mom asked.
“I don’t feel good.”
My dad sized me up. “This about your new friend?”
“Yeah,” I stammered.
“Just do you.”
I cringed so hard my stomach almost burst. Without responding, I retreated to my room and switched off the lights. I was glad to be away from my parents, but it just left more room for thoughts of Tina. I wanted her so badly, yet I couldn’t make it happen. I would screw it up if given the chance. Muriel would not screw it up.
I grabbed my phone and cycled through our message exchange. Tina was so cool. Muriel was so cool. After rereading the whole thing ten times, I jumped onto my social media accounts. I tried to find Tina, but all her accounts were private. Not wanting to be too presumptuous, I didn’t request any connections.
Around 11 PM the final light switched off in the living room. I waited another hour before I changed into my swimsuit. Then I snuck out of the condo.
*
By the time I reached the lights, I couldn’t find Muriel anywhere.
I called out her name.
A discoloration appeared in the water below. When it got closer, I spotted Muriel swimming toward me. She seemed happy to see me.
“I just need you,” I said. “One more time.”
Treading water before me, Muriel considered my request. The smile on her face didn’t waver. It made me uneasy.
“One year,” she said.
For Tina? I thought, shocked. What would my life be like after Muriel lived it for one year? But it wouldn’t be my life anymore, it would be Muriel’s, and I’d be stuck here. In the place between the sea shadows.
“One year,” she repeated.
If it wasn’t me living my life, what was the point?
“No,” I said.
“Yes.”
I kicked and stroked upward. Muriel kicked and stroked after me. After a few seconds I was feet out ahead of her. Before I could leave the lights, I felt a hand on my ankle. It burned like fiery coals.
Muriel pulled me back down to her. When we were face to face, she began pushing me downward. I was the better swimmer, but she was stronger than me. As Muriel pushed me below her, she became me one detail at a time. When I was beneath her waist, she concentrated all her strength into one last push. I descended down, as if catapulted.
I settled far below her just above the darkness.
She began to swim upward, becoming me, until she left the lights.
I pictured her going on the date with Tina.
I saw her checking out of the condo with my parents.
I saw her returning to my life.
She never returned.
I never left.
~